Friday pretty much completely sucked. My deployment went fine but then our group in Cincinnati decided that taking down the entire benefits site until 8pm was a good idea. Except they didn't tell us it would take that long. In fact they made it sound like it would be a short thing. Of course we didn't get everything in explicit writing. Ugh. 

Anyway, we'll see what happens Monday. All I can think of is how empty the office was at 2pm after everyone had left for an early Friday. Bleh. At least Summer Hours is upon us! I get a half day every Friday until Labor Day weekend!

Yay!

I spent the entire weekend at home. Good Lord it was amazing.  Didn't do a single thing for the wedding, or insert myself into my family so my mom couldn't make snide remarks at me. It was so good. I spent time sleeping in my bed, my wonderful bed, and going to parks with Jeremy. We played some video games and just enjoyed being. It was pretty great. I feel rejuvenated. Really.

Suganth came over on Saturday night and we chilled. We had dinner and Jeremy taught him some sword moves. I also went over the objective C project he wants to start doing with Robby. I hope he musters up the drive to finish that project. I'll try and check on him periodically.

Today we're having brunch with a few friends in Roswell. After that, it's open to us. 
One thing I love about Jeremy is that he doesn't have a crazy inner drive to do all sorts of stuff.  He loves relaxing and just being too. He'll also fully support me when I'm in full gear for something. I like that.

I hope our lives settle. I am afraid that at the end of this ridiculously stupid wedding we will be in a solid amount of debt, he won't have found a new job and we'll be back to living our two separate lives like we do now. That will make it very difficult to pay off any debt we incur.  I want to believe my mother when she says 'Just Trust God, he probably wants you to have a big wedding'! 

I can't tell you how much like total bullshit that sounds to me.  How can you do the exact thing that God has asked you not to do with the money given to you and believe that he's got your back on it? Is there some sort of worldly punishment awaiting us? 

There are no instances in the Bible where God provides through a loan. 

Proverbs 22:7
The rich rules over the poor, and the borrower becomes the lender’s slave.

Proverbs 14:15
The naive believes everything, but the sensible man considers his steps.

Ecclesiastes 11:2
Divide your portion to seven, or even to eight, for you do not know what misfortune may occur on the earth.

Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.  I am completely unprepared for the worst and for that reason I am unable to hope for the best. 

I hope it all works out because really, the frightening part is knowing that at the end I will stand alone and there will be nobody to really blame but myself for letting this happen.

I know I have a lot of blessings. I make a lot of money, I own property, I do so much most mid twenties women only dream about. This doesn’t make it easier to do this thing with money knowing I am purposefully being a poor steward of it all.

God I am so sorry… but there’s no turning back now. The contracts are signed and my life is headed in that direction.

I’m going to go enjoy the rest of my day.