Jeremy came over on Sunday, before I came home. He was really sweet and cleaned some and swept.
When I came home he used a specific word to describe what I must be… for my house to look the way it does.

Overwhelmed.

I'm a person that does not like that word. At all. Overwhelmed? Me? I can handle anything. That's what I tell myself anyway. 
I took a look around me. There were empty cereal boxes, cat fur on the sofa, some unwashed dishes, my laundry basket had made it down only one floor. There's dust on everything. My mail sits in piles on my bar.

Yeah. Okay. He's got a point. I'm… ugh.. overwhelmed. I hate that word.

Do you want to hear my to do list?

1. New Job – I'm scrambling to learn everything at my new position and job. I'm not developing or working on any systems that are even similar to what I was doing before.

2. Contracted work for UE and ECL  –  I'm spending the evening doing photo work, social media work, and wordpress development for the decorator I couldn't afford. Why did I pick the most awesome indian decorator in Atlanta? Jesus I cannot handle poor quality work. I always want to do it elegantly and right. So yes, that is a couple extra hours daily.

3. Wedding Planning – I have to do so much stuff for this wedding that drains me. I hate wedding planning. I hate it. There's nothing as stupid  as working so hard for something to be awesome that you personally could give two shits about. It's not only a tim drain, it's an emotional drain. I used to talk to my mom daily. Now I do my best to avoid talking to her. The values difference between her and I around wedding ideals is so different she and I literally cannot be on the same page. I can only try to keep the conversation cordial. We are not good at being honest with each other. Our history has made it so I don't care for her feelings anymore since she's never taken the time to respect mine. It's a bad combo.

4. Life. FUCKING LIFE. I have my own business to do in the meantime! I have several clients I have to keep scheduling meetings outside the time I spend with the other three things. I have someone else's wedding to shoot. I'm working with renters and trying to work on how I'm going to execute this wedding. I have to finish processing and handling all the photos before I head into the beef of my own wedding.

I don't have any time for myself anymore. I stopped going to boot camp… which is the worst thing. I have no energy sometimes.. but my meetings, obligations and all that crap keep falling into that 6-7pm timeslot.

Today I nearly cried when Jeremy left for his parents house. I wanted him to stay so bad even though I have like six hours of work still left to do. I was appalled at myself. Jesus. I'm getting emotionally unstable if I can't say goodbye to my boyfriend and get to work.

You know what was awesome though? My bachelorette party this weekend. I have the most amazing friends. Sana organized an entire Bachelorette weekend. I ate delicious, stupid expensive things. I partied hard..
Friday night we went to dinner at Twist, and then SkyLounge.. a bar on top of a tall hotel with an excellent view. Then I was so drunk I agreed to go to a gay bar… but not before I picked up five random girls from the hotel to come with us.

The gay bar.

Damn. That is a different experience. All the dudes are so much fun. They dance with you just for fun. They like you.. but they're not going to grab your ass. That's a nice change. I danced so hard, even on stage. The music at that place was fucking amazing.
… but then they start grabbing each other's asses. And taking off their shirts.

It doesn't matter that they're all stunningly hot. It's still super awk for me.

Then it was time to go.

It was the first time pretty much all of us had ever gone to a gay bar. I had a great time dancing.. but that place gets pretty raunchy after 2am..and after the liquor wore off a bit I saw how awk it really was. Also I ran into one of my coworkers there. He was also drunk. Now I don't know if he is gay or not. He was there with what looked like a dude but this morning at work he said he was just there with his friend who was a girl.

Okay.

We.. well, I.. sobered up at IHOP and headed back to the hotel. Saturday I spent at a Spa. They got me the hottest masseuse. They didn't tell me they'd asked for such a sexy guy. I felt weird. I wasn't attracted to him or anything but there's something weird about getting a full body massage from someone that looks like a young hercules.

God he was so good looking. I got a massage from a statue of Apollo.

The funniest comment from that event was the 'high contrast nipples' observation.Being asian means .. well, that you've got high contrast nipples. Halfway through the swedish massage, you have to turn over and there's only a thin white sheet covering you. Hahahah. omg.

But that massage was amazing.  I also got a mani pedi from a half black half puerto rican guy. He was really interesting to talk to. I have to buy reflexology socks. My feet felt amazing after he worked on them.

Later we went to Ruth's Chris steakhouse.Where I ordered the cowboy steak. It was like 20 oz… well I ate that whole damn thing mofos!   I blame the fact that it was happy hour at the hotel and I had like 5 drinks and was kidna drunk by the time we got to Ruth's Chris anyway. Damn.. that steak. Was amazing. $50 of amazing. But amazing.

Then we went to dance at both Opera, where Eve worked some of her magic, got us VIP, no cover, and free champagne. We tried dancing there but the DJ suckedddd so we went down the street to CosmoLava. NOw that's a bumpin' place. I found a dance spot near the DJ and watching him spin. He did such a badass job and I had a crapton of fun.

We went home at 3am for an early night. We still needed to recover from the previous night haha. The next day we went to Lenox Grill for their awesome brunch and hung around Lenox mall.

Pretty much the funnest weekend this year. Baltimore comes in at a close second. Man we danced like hecks there too. I loved hitting up all the pubs and drinking in Baltimore. My cousins are way cooler than I ever thought. I used ot be scared that they'd discover what  free spirit I really am and I would get in trouble. But dude.. they're so much more free than me! I felt so comfortable. I can't wait to party with them again. I feel bad that we got Rajeev so trashed. He went from I'm okay..just fine.. feeling great.. to BLEARRGHVOMITS in like 5 minutes.

He was alright the next day. 😛

Shit I have so much to do but I needed to write this down before it was just another fading memory.  I cannot wait to get moving with my life post-wedding. I have so many plans.

Also I am so ready for sexytimes. I feel that's the only thing I've really been all that good about in my life. But it's time to grow up in that sense too.

We're having a sexy lingerie party in a couple weeks. Jeremy will be happy the entire cruise. 😉

Alright.. back to work. It's 10:30.. the night is young.

———–

I might be too strung out on compliments
Overdosed on confidence
Started not to give a fuck and stop fearing the consequence
Drinking every night because we drink to my accomplishments
Faded way too long I'm floating in and out on consciousness
And they say that I'm back
I'd agree with that
I just take my time with all this shit I still believe in that
I had someone tell me I fell off
Ooh I needed that
And they wanna see me pick back up Right well where'd I leave it at?
I know I exaggerated things now I got it like that